She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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