apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
