i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think your dad took our porno
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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