Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
