Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
