So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's the barista slut.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
