My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
