She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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