After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
