in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize