Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I can't turn off my feet"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
