You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
