I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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