You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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