If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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