I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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