Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
