I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
