My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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