I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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