The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
