when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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