omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
