I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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