I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
