arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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