If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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