found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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