I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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