oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
