you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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