I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just threw up on my dentist
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
