Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
