I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
