Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Someone came in the potted fern
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
