mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
