Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
