Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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