I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
