How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
