im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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