im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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