WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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