I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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