Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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