She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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