"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
