I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
im on a boat
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