He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
