just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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