i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
