Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
