New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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