What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
MIDGETS
????
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
