At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
