so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
