Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
