My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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