how can u be prego again
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
where are you?
Hypothermia
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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