Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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