We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
